Yummy Mummies seem to be all around. Wherever I turn there are svelte, sexy, lean, lanky, slinky women with tiny babies. It seems that just hours after giving birth they’re shopping for hot pants or buying white bikinis for holidays in Greece. The celebs make it seem even more effortless. Fashion shoots and important ambassadorial appearances literally minutes after having twins, seem to be the norm. My question is this: Are they waking up every two hours to feed their perfect offspring or are they sleeping soundly while night nurses do the hard work? I unfortunately do not have a night nurse!
I’m 6 months post-pregnancy and now I look back with longing at those 37 and a half weeks of my life. I may have been carrying twins but I had it easy. As I got further and further into my pregnancy I became more and more smug. The doctor would always comment on how well I was doing. With every scan he became more amazed by and complimentary about my childbearing abilities. I felt great during my pregnancy, relatively speaking. Obviously the three-month babelas that was the first trimester was nasty but after that I was glowingly pregnant. My hair became thick and shiny and my skin was clear and glowing. My ankles remained slim and I even dropped a jean size. I had no weird cravings and I managed to sleep a lot. Everybody told me how fantastic I looked. Granted I lost a tooth and cried at the drop of a hat but I was carrying twins, thank you very much. And I managed to carry them to full term. I thought I was a sure thing for yummy mummyhood.
Since those glory days things have changed drastically. I thought I would transition effortlessly from pretty pregnant to yummy mummy but I was sadly mistaken! My body seems to think that I’m still carrying twins and it looks like it too. A few shop attendants have even asked me how far along I am. I can usually laugh at myself and my shortcomings but not now. It’s hard not to want to plunge a chocolate bar down the throat of the offending idiots. I’m carrying a massive bag of size 3 nappies, hello!! Nobody buys nappies that far in advance, do they? I have also used the excuse of needing energy for breastfeeding for a long time now. All those extra portions of mac and cheese and bags of peanut M&Ms are adding onto the already excessive ‘baby weight’.
I never thought I would say it, but there are just so much expectations surrounding being a mom in this age. You have to work at a high level, look fabulous and super sexy, cook like a gourmet chef, have a varied and exciting social life and be a cool and calm parent. I’m just managing to work four hours a day, wash my hair and cook butternut and apple for the boys. The extent of my sexy these days is a pair of leather boots which I shed for slippers as soon as I get in the door. The pressure seems palpable and everywhere I look there are stellar examples of what I ‘should’ look like. So in an effort to get back to my pre-baby being, the baby weight and I shuffle around a bit. Calling it ‘going jogging’ would be a bit of a stretch. We also do some situps in the vain hope that one day the baby weight and I may be parted and that I might come closer to the ideal of contemporary motherhood. But it’s difficult to maintain an exercise regime when the longest I get to sleep is three hours at a time. It takes a momentous effort not to eat junk when it feels like I need energy NOW!! I’m sure I could also elegantly prance around the neighbourhood and eat egg-white omelettes if I had eight hours of sleep a night! But after the sour grapes (and chocolate) have been eaten, there is only one last thing to be said. My kids are so worth the mummy tummy. They’re worth every last wobbly centimetre of it!